static for a reason

  I remember.....



       that one day....  which i don't remember what day


       I was in..... junior high? maybe? ........ nevermind, I don't remember that either

BUT THE POINT IS~!!

I remember something that DID HAPPEN

but I don't know when and where was I....

or even WHO WAS I TALKING TO 

he or she.... asked me

THIS GUY!!! asked me

do you have something to regret?            .

   nope.... I answered

come on! everyone has something in the past to regret!           .

  well.... I regret.... no! I wish.... I hope....

              that I would have never regretted anything in my entire life

I did regret things...

but

now I realise that

my mistakes

my rights and wrongs

my sins

my first, my last, my everything

and the answer to all my dreams

It all led me HERE!!

to this very moment

and I like myself the way I am

I like things the way things are

I like it... when I have to remember my stupidities

                                                      my youthness

even if I could change the world

in a magic SNAP and it all changed

I would have asked god to give me a pair of assassin's hidden blades

just for fun

BECAUSE THE IMPERFECTION of who I am

and the way worlds are

those things roll my days

god gave 'em to us... and no way it was with no reasons at all     

Shadows haunt

Caring of the Soul
            is one of the book by Thomas Moore
            that has been my source of wisdom for the past 3 years.

(highly recomended... tough stuff)      .

   the days when people start asking me about the word love

                                                    (which I ended up in this complicated unknotted fate)

   this book is the only one I can trust so far...   the others are just crap

   

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the next one of my favorite 

   from this guy, I gain access of knowledge to the Jung's Theories

   

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THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF SHADOWS

(ada dua jenis dari bayangan/kegelapan
yang membayangimu)

    one......

                 consisting of the possibilities in life

                       

                            that are REJECTED 

               

                       because of certain choices that we have made

                                                 translated to Indonesian as requested:

                               

                                                                                 rantaian dari kata SEANDAINYA atau APABILA

                                                                                 apa yang terjadi di masa sekarang..... atau masa depan

                                                                                 dari sesuatu yang KITA TOLAK di masa yang telah berlalu

                 

what is it that shadows you?

what is it that haunts you?

what is it that keeps on telling you

what if  ?

it breeds guilt.... and fear..... 

strangles you from moving on out of the very first step of a stair

   

   the way it speaks to you... it is REASONABLE

                                                        because it comes from your common senses

                                                        your naturality of being a HUMAN

  it is you who thought it in the first place

  it is you who keeps on finding a reason NOT TO MOVING ON

                                                             NOT EVEN FROM THE STARTING LINE

  it haunts you to believe that

                                                 there are better things that would happen

      

                                                  if only you made choices NOT LIKE THIS

the only wrong move you have made

is to think that

THIS SHADOW EXIST

actually... they do

but it's existence is made by your very own mind

not demon

not any other external factors

but you

and for the second kind of shadow

it'll have to wait...

I haven't figured it out yet......