choices are not meant to be made alone

Apakah seseorang mampu hidup seorang diri?

no friends
               seseorang untuk berbagi beban bersama
               seseorang untuk bercanda bersama
               seseorang
               siapapun lah...
             
               please
               anyone...             halo?

                                                halo....

                                                        halo.....

not even a phonecall, text message, 

                                not even a vibrate on the phone you're holding on so tight

not even a facebook
             (clearly, mungkin cuman aku yang mengerti perasaan itu)

      or any kind of social media

you're all alone

dan sedikit demi sedikit

kau akan ditemukan sedang berbicara dengan kulkas

but then again....

it feels like I'm missing something

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yaa... kalian yang tahu aku pasti tahu kalau dulu aku self declared sebagai "anti curhat"

dan kalian yang tidak tahu aku pasti tahu juga dari kalimat yang "kalian yang tahu aku pasti tahu 

kalau dulu aku self declared sebagai anti curhat" bahwa aku dulu adalah seorang anti curhat

intinya aku dulu mengaku sebagai anti curhat

itu masih aku yang versi.2.8

sekarang aku versi.3.3

rendah kalori

alasan utamaku waktu itu adalah

       beda tipisnya antara CURHAT dengan GHIBAH

                                                   (yaitu membicarakan keburukan orang lain)

                                                   (yaa mau gimana lagi
                                                             kalau orang curhat soal masalahnya
                                                             sedangkan sumber masalah paling besar
                                                             selalu!! datang dari teman sendiri)



             dan kebanyakan

       mereka yang curhat

 hanya ingin BERCERITA, tetapi tidak ingin mendengarkan
                                                       saran atau kritik, bahkan cuman pendapat?

                         NO!!!

 mereka inginnya bercerita

                                    dan mendengar kita berkata

              "iya... iya.... mereka yang salah, sabar yaa...." 

                                *sambil menepuk pundaknya

                     (which is now the kind of mask that I always put on in front of them)

but once again....

it feels like I'm missing something

_________________________________

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sebuah cerita

tentang ayahku

singkat cerita

Ayahku akan menghadapi masalah besar sangat serius tentang 

ketidakharmonisan keluarga di kampung halamannya

sebelum sesuatu tersebut dimulai      

ayahku berkata   

"sesuatu yang besar akan terjadi hari ini"                        

(dilengkapi kamera berputar ala Michael Bay)                                      

kemudian beliau sholat                                     

(pasti masih mikir pake kamera berputar, heh, lupakan!)                                     

disana aku melihat         

(meski aku sebenernya tidak disana saat itu)        

disana KETIKA AKU MENDENGAR CERITA ITU!      
aku melihat        

*save point dulu   

_________________________________________

aku ingat saat berbicara dengan kawan-kawanku

yang perlahan katanya berubah menjadi AGNOSTIK

             

                        *katanya lho.... katanya....

                        **bisa aja salah denger

                        ***aaaah lu bisa aja deh :)

yang perlahan KATANYA berubah menjadi AGNOSTIK

         mulai berpikir kritis

                                     seperti

                           "untuk apa kita sholat?"

   *bentuk berkomunikasi dengan tuhan yang dilakukan mereka beragama muslim

ini lumayan berbahaya juga berbicara begini

mohon umat muslim yang akan meledak dengan amarah

tahan dulu sebentar ya....

baca dulu sampai habis      

                                "Tuhan kan sudah sempurna...
                 untuk apa membutuhkan solat kita?"

sabar... sabar.... para pembaca   .

katanya muslim....

sabar....

lumayan benar juga logika tersebut

meski mungkin aku bisa dilempar ke neraka berpikir begini saja

disana aku menemukan jawaban

"mungkinkah?

mungkin

kalau aku boleh menebak

kalau Tuhan memang mencintai kita

kalau sholat 

(atau bentuk komunikasi kepada tuhan dalam agama apapun)

adalah untuk kita?"

disana aku menemukan jawaban

disana dimana?

dimana ya...

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*load save point  

disana KETIKA AKU MENDENGAR CERITA ITU!      
aku melihat     

ayahku yang hendak bertempur               

memohon kepada tuhan                   

sholat                              

meminta bantuan                    

berdoa                             

*apalah kau mau sebutnya                                         

INTINYA!                                        

beliau CURHAT kepada tuhan

dan beda tipisnya antara CURHAT dengan GHIBAH-PUN

menjadi sangat jauh

aku tidak disana

tetapi apakah mungkin ayahku mendoakan, bercerita buruk kepada tuhan tentang seseorang?

I don't think so

yang paling masuk akal

adalah do'a MEMINTA KEKUATAN dan sebagainya sebagainya

selayaknya curhat kepada teman

friends
               seseorang untuk berbagi beban bersama
               seseorang untuk bercanda bersama















Apakah seseorang mampu hidup seorang diri?

naaah... 

                     udah sering dibilang di kelas IPS dulu dulu

                     kita ini makhluk sosial... dan sebagainya sebagainya

             teman memberikan tenaga

                                               energy

             

            di saat engkau memiliki masalah.....

                               hanya dengan mengetahui bahwa mereka mengetahui ceritamu

                                                   engkau tahu

                                      di saat masalahnya GOING EVEN MORE SHITTER

                                  dia ikut cemas

  

                                      di saat masalahnya GOING BRIGHTER AND BRIGHTER

                                 dia ikut tersenyum senang bersamamu

Apakah manusia dapat hidup seorang diri?

Apakah KAMU dapat hidup seorang diri?

well go ahead and try

I've been there before

and made it out alive

to tell you all the story

kau bisa saja hidup sendirian

tak berbagi beban masalah dengan seseorang

menanggungnya sendirian

berpura-pura kuat

dan menjadi pundak untuk mereka yang ingin menangis dan bersandar disana

tetapi siapapun bisa sedih

siapapun bisa hancur

mungkin itu nikmatnya PERCAYA bahwa Tuhan itu ada

mengatahui ada ULTIMATE PUNDAK 

yang selalu ada

ketika kau akan hancur

hanya dengan percaya itu semua

you can do the magic

but then again

it feels like I'm missing something

I don't care

my friends complete me

yeah guys  

I'm back  

with more of that shit to tell  

dan sedikit demi sedikit   

aku berhenti berbicara dengan kulkas         

:)           

the day all of my spoken words don't matter

"If I keep on losing those who I care the most,

I better start digging graves by myself"

I said those words this noon...

cause I believed in my long life

I'll be the one who is left behind

  What can you say 

           to those who died while being coddled in your arms.... ?

   

  What's the last words you'll give

           to those who died while listening to your heartbeat....  ?

          I wasn't prepared

     I remember                   to those three deaths

                                      in the past three months

                  my mom whispered

"it's okay... you can go if you want to....

if you don't like it here... you can go if you want to..."

and the meows              .

suddenly got slower             .

and the tails stop wagging                .

   

   our first cat's death.... I remember he was smiling

                                    his whole body was paralyzed

                                                                                     but he used up his whole last strength

                                              just to smile, and wags tail

  our second cat's death... I remember he was crying

                                    I held him tight, around my arms, under my shirt.

                                                                                     close to my heart

                                                                                      and he literally gives a shit

                                            then he died

  our third cat's death... I remember me sleeping with her crawling into my arms

                                       she died in the most painful way

                                            I looked at her body, and wished that she was just falling asleep

                                            like she did in my arms that time

                                            I know she was just a cat

                                            a stray cat that my mom took for shelter

                                            I know she was just a cat

                                            a creature that comes only when we serve its dinner

                                            I know she was just a cat

                                            a creature that crawls in my arms when I asleep

                                            just to seek warmth, with no strings attached

                   

                        

the fact that she may not love me back                .

I don't give a damn                           .

my eyes grew wet                                        .

when I picked her up                       .

ans she weren't moving             .

I swallowed my tears           .

just trying to be tough                   .

every time my shovel hits the dirt                                       .

I dropped a tear                             .

I'm trying so hard                .

so that my sisters don't find me crying                      .

"I'm not that pathetic", I said in my mind        .

"I'm not like them"                                      .

I put her in the ground           .

and I closed it             .

I left the scene first             .

my ideal death

is that no one is crying for me

my ideal death

is that everyone is happy, to see me moving on

I don't want my sisters, or anyone that's easy to cry, cry on my funeral

I've got to OUTLIVED them

that's what I have in mind

but not this time

today I lost a friend

that stops crying when I hug her

today I lost a friend

that sleeps faster when I'm there

today I lost a friend

that plays around you when you're praying

usually I hate those who cries

it reminds me of how much of an ass I used to be

but now....

the thing I want to say to the world

"it's okay... you can cry if you want to...

if you feel like it.... you can cry if you want to..."

  I'd rather them calling me weak, calling me names,

          but I lost a friend I care the most

          perhaps my only one.... who speaks only the truth

                 she was there for me all the time

                 and I think that was more than enough for just a mere animal

                      If I choose to believe that animals can show love

                      I'll say, in my live

                                                she's the only one who had loved me

              I lost a friend today... and I had broken my vow of not to cry

                                               and I don't see it wrong,

                                                                                    I'm glad I cried

The Miracle

    adapted from...

                    Bruce Almighty

   

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 Some countries ban this movie           

to them,                                                                                       

having GOD in Morgan Freeman's physical appearance       

is kinda weird, beyond etiquette   

as for me? it's awesome          

the point is....

having yourself talk to "god"

or

(if you're an atheist)

having yourself talk to yourself

    or any other way to seek ephiphany

is not easy to be described in STORIES, such as scenes in MOVIES

  that's why in the pray zone:

                                      mosque, church,
                                      or even some other symbolic idol you hold

  it needs PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

           so it's easier for us humans, to talk to god.....

           In the old ages, when humans convert their beliefs from having ONE to be worshipped, such as PHARAOHs or KING XERXES or stuff, to the divine figure is not easy to accept. That's why having symbolic figures that represent god is necessary for men with spiritual power less than monks. Those who meditate or fast or stuff, has enough spiritual power and belief to communicate through the cosmic intellegence. So when I see Morgan Freeman as a god, I say it's the easiest way to create a scene where man communicate with god cause having 2 hours movie of a man meditates is way less attractive for hollywood than Jim Carrey's acts of mischiefness.

one of the quote from the god Morgan Freeman that I would like to share is

"BE THE MIRACLE"

    when Jesus walked on the water

                that's not miracle..... that's magic

    when Moses splits the ocean into two

                                 that's not miracle.... that's magic

do you want to see Miracle?

  

A woman with two jobs,                                     

and is still able to take her son to school     

that's a miracle                            

    A teenager says no to DRUGS
                         and yes to EDUCATION

                               that's a miracle

do you want to see Miracle?

 

BE the MIRACLE

        when you're being helped by a total stranger, and you thanked god for answering your prayer.

                       have it ever occurred in your mind, that YOU COULD BE THE STRANGER, 

                                           that YOU COULD BE THE HELPING HAND OF GOD

                                                      YOU COULD BECOME THE MIRACLE

BELIEVE THE MIRACLE

BELIEVE THE MIRACLE

BELIEVE THE MIRACLE 

BELIEVE THE MIRACLE

BELIEVE THE MIRACLE

 BE THE MIRACLE 

starts today